Naked
Trigger warning: Mental trauma, self harm, drug abuse.
I can try and pretend as if my life is perfect, it wouldn't be that difficult but what's the point of starting this blog then? I've never been one to shy away from my failures and my difficult times. That sounds like a good quality but nothing is excess does anyone any good, its affected a lot of my relationships but its just who I am. Always baring myself naked for the world to see, judge, understand and hopefully, learn.
The biggest hurdle in my life has always been my mental health. I'm a dangerous combination of someone who over thinks a lot and is extremely emotional. That combination is a recipe for disaster. My emotions drive my over thinking into convincing myself of the worst possible conclusions.
With those conclusions started setting in the insecurities, self harm, anxiety, suicidal tendencies and depression. I was depressed as a thirteen year old thanks to peer pressure, rumours and bullying. That depression lasted me right into my adulthood, with personal issues keeping the fire alive. I went from seeing a counsellor to a psychologist to a psychiatrist.
Dealt with it on my own, had my family help in dealing with it, allowed prescription medicines to take over for a while, and then ended up in an ICU. I can either consider that as the worst day of my life when that happened or the best. I choose to consider it as the best thing that could've happened to me back then. I came out alive, for the first time in years, wanting to live.
I've never looked back since, got over my depression, got rid of the insecurities (the big ones at least), I try and keep the anxiety at bay, I take complete control of my mind whenever the desire to self harm starts setting in, and suicidal tendencies went away with the depression.
That does not mean I no more struggle sometimes, the over thinking and emotions, keep me on my toes. Its so easy to spiral back down and I have a couple of times but as long as you're trying to even stay afloat, you're doing better. The first step might be just staying enough above the water to be able to gasp for air but it leads to learning how to swim and eventually, you just float.
Don't give up on yourselves when you're down, you're stronger than you know. Nobody can fight this fight for you, you need to realise if you're not mentally healthy. You need to ask for help from whoever you feel comfortable with and if that doesn't work either, you need to see a professional. If you don't fight for your own life, why will anyone else?
I can try and pretend as if my life is perfect, it wouldn't be that difficult but what's the point of starting this blog then? I've never been one to shy away from my failures and my difficult times. That sounds like a good quality but nothing is excess does anyone any good, its affected a lot of my relationships but its just who I am. Always baring myself naked for the world to see, judge, understand and hopefully, learn.
The biggest hurdle in my life has always been my mental health. I'm a dangerous combination of someone who over thinks a lot and is extremely emotional. That combination is a recipe for disaster. My emotions drive my over thinking into convincing myself of the worst possible conclusions.
With those conclusions started setting in the insecurities, self harm, anxiety, suicidal tendencies and depression. I was depressed as a thirteen year old thanks to peer pressure, rumours and bullying. That depression lasted me right into my adulthood, with personal issues keeping the fire alive. I went from seeing a counsellor to a psychologist to a psychiatrist.
Dealt with it on my own, had my family help in dealing with it, allowed prescription medicines to take over for a while, and then ended up in an ICU. I can either consider that as the worst day of my life when that happened or the best. I choose to consider it as the best thing that could've happened to me back then. I came out alive, for the first time in years, wanting to live.
I've never looked back since, got over my depression, got rid of the insecurities (the big ones at least), I try and keep the anxiety at bay, I take complete control of my mind whenever the desire to self harm starts setting in, and suicidal tendencies went away with the depression.
That does not mean I no more struggle sometimes, the over thinking and emotions, keep me on my toes. Its so easy to spiral back down and I have a couple of times but as long as you're trying to even stay afloat, you're doing better. The first step might be just staying enough above the water to be able to gasp for air but it leads to learning how to swim and eventually, you just float.
Don't give up on yourselves when you're down, you're stronger than you know. Nobody can fight this fight for you, you need to realise if you're not mentally healthy. You need to ask for help from whoever you feel comfortable with and if that doesn't work either, you need to see a professional. If you don't fight for your own life, why will anyone else?
This was amazing! The rawness and truthfulness is beautiful ❤
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
Delete